The Best Advice I Never Came Up With

Let Go and Let God!!

rickpipkin — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:56:18 +0000

Alcoholics Annonymous is filled with cliches. As a matter of fact, that is one of the main criticisms of the fellowship leveled by those who are looking for a reason not to participate. In my early years of treating addicts and drunks, I have to admit, I thought the Big Book and AA were a little hokey. Now that I spend the majority of my time with people whose very life depends on the first 164 pages of the Big Book, I see the cliches such as “Let Go and Let God” as hopeful, not hokey.

I have always been willing to do what God wanted me to do….provided that he was following the instructions I gave him 40 years ago. But with the help of my wife and a few choice scriptures, I came to realize that my tenure as “Master of the Universe” had not been very successful. It was time to “turn it over”.

My new deal with God was for me to get out of the way and let Him put me where He needed me. (I can’t tell you how difficult that is for me.) I am amazed every day at how he works. I know that when my phone rigs with a new patient, that it is not a coincidence or luck of the draw. These people are now connected with me because that is what is supposed to happen and many days, my patients help me more than I help them.

So I can highly recommend “Letting Go and Letting God”. It might be a cliche to some but, in practical application, it works. My advice is simple. Get out of the way and don’t be the main barrier in your own life.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written consent of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

Smile A Lot. It Makes People Wonder What You’re Up To

rickpipkin — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:55:36 +0000

I pride myself in being difficult for others to figure out. When someone says to me, “I know what you’re thinking”, I chuckle because; 1. I rarely think and, 2. If I was, it was so off base they wouldn’t understand it. Some people work hard on their poker face so they don’t tip people off to what they are thinking. I smile alot. It doesn’t tip my hand and it makes people wonder what I’m up to. So if you see me smiling………beware!!

Never Miss a Good Chance to Shut Up

rickpipkin — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:01:25 +0000

Some people talk too much. There are people I know that have to share every thought that enters their brain and also share many thoughts that they should have kept to them selves. Then there is the group of folks that pass out more information than anyone needs or cares about. Other people react to the information negatively and the person who could not keep their mouth shut is totally appalled.

Words mean something. When a friend at school said some thing to you that hurt, your parents would remind you that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”, but it doesn’t keep you from crying yourself to sleep. Some one at work criticizes your work and it ruins your day. Maybe you and your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend have an arguement and they say something hateful that cuts you to the core. You remember these things for years and they leave scars that provide therapists, like me, a nice living.

So what’s the answer? First, remember to put you brain in gear before you engage your mouth. Second, deliberately take some time before you speak. Yes, folks might think you have nothing to say for a moment, but it can save you from apologies after you speak. Finally, gauge whether anything should be said at all. I think it was Will Rogers who said, ” It is better to be thought of as a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”. Look at the situation and never miss a good chance to shut up.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written permission of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

An Engineer Doesn’t Stop A Train to Throw Rocks at a Barking Dog

rickpipkin — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:04:11 +0000

There is no such thing as “constructive” criticism. Criticism is criticism and no one likes it. How we handle the criticism is what matters. You know your faults better that anyone else. Gee, you have spent a lifetime either covering them up or learning to adapt to them so you don’t need someone reminding you of them. So how do you handle it when someone criticizes you?

If you practice the “Listen then let it go” philosophy you are probably pretty well grounded. But if a few words of criticism totally ruin your day and send you into a funk, you need to work on the thickness of you skin.

Some folks think that they need to answer every criticism with an explanation of their behavior and an apology for whatever they did. Here’s what I think. An engineer doesn’t stop a train to throw rocks at a barking dog. You do not need to totally stop living and put everything on hold until everyone is happy with you. As long as you can put your head on your pillow at night with no regrets and no amends to make, let them criricize. While they are up at night worrying about what is wrong with you, you are moving on to the next day.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written permission of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

I’ve Never Seen a Bull Charge a Tombstone

rickpipkin — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 16:22:59 +0000

I have a real issue with people who constantly complain and whine about how bad their situation is but do absolutely nothing to change it. There are folks who complain about lack of money but will not get a job. Then there are those who are lonely but never put themselves in a position to meet other people. A change on your status or situation takes some activity or movement on your part.

The innate human reaction to a difficult situation is to run, but some folks do just the opposite and freeze. Doing nothing is easy because all you have to do is…nothing!

If things in your life are not going well, then change them. Get off the sidelines and get in the game. It may sound strange but sometimes you have to fight for your peace of mind. I have never seen a bull charge a tombstone. It will only come after you if there is movement. Life is going to happen and throw off some good things. Make sure you are moving around enough to catch them.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written permission of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

The Starfish

rickpipkin — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:46:13 +0000

Mike Boss, the owner of Four Winds Treatment Center told me this story and I want to share it with you.

A little boy was running up and down the beach, picking up starfish that had washed up on the beach with the tide and throwing them back into the ocean. On older gentleman asked why he was doing this and the young boy replied “To save them”. The old fellow said, “There’s no point. You can’t keep up. They are all going to die”. The boy picked up another starfish, looked at the man and said, as he threw it back into the ocean, “Well, this one is not going to”.

One hard lesson that I have had to learn is that you can’t save everybody but I can help a lot of folks… one at a time.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written permission of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

Why Not Me?

rickpipkin — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:29:41 +0000

Last week I had the privilege of meeting Kristina Wandzilak, an interventionist and author of the book The Lost Years. Her personal story of triumph over addiction is moving and her account of her and her mother’s journey in the book is compelling.

There was one statement that she made that resonates in my head. She said that one day, in the midst of her struggle, she woke up and asked Why not me? Why can’t I have a happy life? Why not me? This question has become her rallying cry for all the girls she talks to. Why not You?

So I pose the same question to you. A happy and productive life is out there if you choose to look for it. There are times it is not easy, but you CAN have good life in spite of the trials you have been through. It will not be given to you but can be earned or developed through your hard work and perseverance. You have to work at it. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.

If You Think Nobody Cares if You’re Alive, Try Missing a Couple of Car Payments

rickpipkin — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:07:14 +0000

I visited with a young lady recently who felt that no one cared if she lived or died. She told me that it seems like no one knows she even exists. She is sad and lonely. I had her take a look at all the people that she touches every day and see if they feel the same way she does. She started asking folks and sure enough, there were many people she knew that felt the same loneliness. Then as she started talking, a funny thing happened. She made new friends. She has people she visits with every day. She thinks I am a genius.

If you get to the point that you think no one cares, get outside your self and check in with others. You’ll find that they are as eager as you are to have some one to care about them. If that doesn’t work, try missing a couple of car payments. Those folks will call you 50 times a day and you will have a new friend from India, Pakistan or the Philipines. You won’t be able to understand them, but you know they care about……..your payment.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written permission of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

How To Eat An Elephant

rickpipkin — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:48:53 +0000

Have you ever had so many things going at one time that you were just overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all? Have you ever been presented with a task so large that you shuttered at the idea of developing a plan of attack? Are you a three ball juggler in a five ball world? The answers to these dilemmas are encased in a simple question and answer. Q. How do you eat an elephant? A. One bite at a time.

The problem with most folks is that they do not break down problems into smaller, fixable pieces. We cut up our meat, chop our wood, and dice our vegetables but when it comes to problem solving, we try to swallow the thing whole and choke on our inability to ingest that much stuff. So when something becomes so overwhelming handle it just like you would eat that elephant. One bite at a time.

This writing is part of a copyrighted work and can not be used or duplicated in any form without the written permission of Rick Pipkin, Ph.D.

Pack Your Own Parachute

rickpipkin — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:36:50 +0000

Back in my much younger days, some friends convinced me to take skydiving lessons. For me, this was a big jump (no pun intended) because I am not to good with high places. (OK, I’m afraid. There I said it. Boy, this therapy thing really works!) Back to my point. I don’t even like to climb in a chair and change a light bulb so jumping out of a perfectly good airplane made absolutely no sense to me. My friends assured me this would be fun. Right!

We went to the airport to get some more information. While we were waiting, I struck up a conversation with one of the instructors at the skydiving school. Not wanting to appear unknowlegeable, or afraid, I asked the man, “What is the most important thing a person need to know about skydiving?” The man calmly replied, “Pack your own parachute”. That seemed strange to me so I asked why that was so important. The man explained, “If you packed your own parachute, when you jump out of a plane at 12,000 feet, pull the rip cord and nothing happens, then you can”t blame anyone but yourself.”

Now that is brilliant. When things go wrong our human nature has us looking for someone to blame. Our society is big on blaming others and short on taking personal responsibility. I remember comedian Flip Wilson who coined the phrase, “The devil made me do it.” The devil just provided the opportunity. You made the decision.